455. "Teenage Riot" Sonic Youth

"Teenage Riot"
Sonic Youth
Daydream Nation
1988

BREAKING NEWS: Teenagers are the worst.
I feel I'm uniquely qualified to make this judgment as I once was a teenager. I was shortsighted, self-absorbed, and inconsiderate of other's feelings.
Sound familiar?
When you're ten or eleven years old, being a teenager is the goal. From all the scary horror movies and dumb comedies you watch, you know being a teen is nothing but non-stop house parties and sex-having, with the occasional beheading. But the beheading usually coincides with the sex-having, so even-steven.
When you actually are a teenager, OMIGOD THE WHOLE WORLD SUCKS AND YOU SUCK AND JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
And once you're older, you realize: our culture is programmed to appeal to these weird creatures. Hollywood spends hundreds of millions of dollars on an action movie where no one can tell what the fuck is going on, and it makes a billion dolllars. Auto-Tune goes from a gimmick on Garage Band to an actual genre of music.
And once one round of teenagers is done, there's another one right behind it, dumber and louder than the last.
And god help me, in about eight years I'm going to have two of them.
At the same time.
Cyanide capsule is at the ready.