434. "Kate" Ben Folds Five

"Kate"
Ben Folds Five
Whatever and Ever Amen
1997

ANDY ROONEY KORNER:
You don't meet many girls named "Kate" these days. Katherine (or Catherine) seems to have morphed into "Katie". Maybe that will change when they get older; I hope it does. Hard to imagine a screen legend named Katie Hepburn, or a Russian empress named Katie the Great.
And why do I have so many address labels?

435. "The Grey Estates" Wolf Parade

"The Grey Estates"
Wolf Parade
At Mount Zoomer
2008

I guess a wolf parade could be fun. Don't get me wrong, parades are boring and the worst, but if there was a chance of some gnarly wolf carnage? I'd probably watch that. Only on TV, though. I don't like standing in the cold or being eaten by wolves.

436. "Wise Up" Aimee Mann

"Wise Up"
Aimee Mann
Magnolia
1999

I don't know who my favorite contemporary director is, but I know it's either Quentin Tarantino or Paul Thomas Anderson.
To put them in music terms, QT is the White Stripes. Exciting as hell, accused of ripping off previous genres when in actuality he is performing a new riff within and outside of those genres. No matter what you read or heard about the new Tarantino/White Stripes project that made you nervous going in, once you pressed play you calmed down. You knew you were in good hands.
PT Anderson I would compare to the Arcade Fire. Ambitious to the point where people would call their projects "pretentious", you never know quite what's going to happen, but you will experience some emotional highs on the way. And then it will just stick with you.
Oh hey there Aimee Mann, I just used your entry to talk about the White Stripes and the Arcade Fire. Oops. Um, Aimee Mann is also good.

437. "Trains" Chris Blake

*video not available on YouTube

"Trains"

Chris Blake

Wave

2008

I don't care how awesome this song it (and it is - spend a buck on iTunes to check it out), this guy seems like a real dick.

SURE, you can be talented and funny and retweet me (@guidedbyvodka) all you want, but who doesn't make a video for my favorite song on the record and then put it on YouTube? 

The nerve.

438. "Romeo Had Juliette" Lou Reed

"Romeo Had Juliette"
Lou Reed
New York
1989

Growing up in the 70's or 80's meant you had a specific image of New York from TV and the movies: a dirty cesspool with garbage piled on the streets, gangs of dudes with pink Statue of Liberty mohawks roaming the subway with boomboxes blasting Def Leppard tunes, EPA bureaucrats refusing the keep the city safe from evil demons.
Even the sitcoms set there - "Taxi", "Barney Miller", "Welcome Back Kotter" - looked like they were filmed through a layer of grime.
Against that backdrop, Lou Reed's New York album almost qualified as a love letter.

I'll take Manhattan in a garbage bag
with Latin written on it that says
"it's hard to give a shit these days"
Manhattan's sinking like a rock
into the filthy Hudson what a shock
they wrote a book about it
they said it was like ancient Rome

Like a Cole Porter song, even.

(Every song on this list has at least one moment I look forward to when it comes on, and for this song I always give an appreciative nod when Lou Reed sings "Romeo Rodriguez squares his shoulders, curses Jesus." That lyric is the tits.)

439. "50ft. Queenie" PJ Harvey

"50ft. Queenie"
PJ Harvey
Rid of Me
1993

The path to full acceptance in society is a long and lonely one, replete with ignorance, and sometimes even violence.
Yet every subset of people that have to fight for equal rights has one person or one event that they can point to. African-Americans of course have Dr. Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, or any of the heroes of the civil rights movement. (Note to Hollywood: that did not include white people. Just stop.) Latinos revere Cesar Chavez. The gay rights movement can point to the Stonewall riots.
And dudes with small wieners have former Cowboys and Dolphins coach Jimmy Johnson.

NFL legend and "Survivor" also-ran Jimmy Johnson sold any shred of dignity he ever had courageously made himself the face of men who couldn't satisfy women by taking the fight to the airwaves as the spokesman for Extenze, which promotes itself as "natural male enhancement" for guys whose pecker doesn't wow the checker.
Daring the slings and arrows of those who would say that the product is an obvious ripoff and ploy to get the credit card numbers of those ashamed to admit that they must rely upon the motion of the ocean as the size of the boat is a mere dinghy, Johnson stood front and center, proudly, saying, "Follow me, men, and we will bear the disappointed looks from women together!"
A true American hero, Johnson will someday get his own monument in Washington, D.C. It won't be very large, but supporters will insist that's only because it's cold out.

440. "Teenage FBI" Guided By Voices

"Teenage FBI"
Guided By Voices
Do The Collapse
1999

INSIDER ROCK KNOWLEDGE:
Unlike most GBV songs, which seem to be about paper clips or climbing trees or some other such randomness, "Teenage FBI" is about an actual event.
Granted, the event is Bob Pollard getting caught picking his nose by the high school students he was teaching, but it is a welcome moment of clarity in the Guided by Voices canon.

Got to love a band that makes a big push for popularity by releasing a fist pumping ode to digging one out and wiping it on the desk.

441. "Devil With The Green Eyes" Matthew Sweet

"Devil With The Green Eyes"
Matthew Sweet
Altered Beast
1993

Before I left for college I bought 5 CDs to keep me company while I waited for all my shit to be shipped across the country. (Sidenote: we will never even be able to come close to appreciating everything our parents did for us. What a colossal pain in the ass it must have been for my folks to pack up all my belongings, drag them to the post office and pay like a thousand bucks to send them across the country. Did I ever say thank you? I doubt it, since it just occurred to me right this second.)
I don't remember exactly which 5 I bought, but I know Leonard Cohen's I'm Your Man and Altered Beast by Matthew Sweet were two of them, so I wasn't exactly showing up with party jams.
Scientists are still researching the subject, but I'm fairly certain Altered Beast is the most depressing album ever recorded. Certainly the most depressing album ever named after a Sega game.
There was a lovely song on this record called "Someone To Pull The Trigger", about a dude so depressed he can't even find the energy to kill himself.
Altered Beast was so downbeat that this song was the big uptempo rocker, and its hook is "every love I've ever known....is DEAD."
So yeah, not exactly Coolio's "Fantastic Voyage".
And at no point in the record does anyone drink a potion that turns them into an asskicking werewolf. That's false advertising there Matthew Sweet.

442. "I've Got You Under My Skin" Frank Sinatra

"I've Got You Under My Skin"
Frank Sinatra
1956

Frank Sinatra was so badass that he could sing "Don't you know, you fool, you'll never win," and people thought it was romantic.

443. "I Remember California" R.E.M.

"I Remember California"
R.E.M.
Green
1988

As I never fail to remind people without the slightest of provocation, I lived in California for about ten years. So, Michael Stipe, I also remember California. And I have noted some discrepancies in your song.
1. "I remember traffic jams."
Well, this is pretty right on. I also remember traffic jams. But other places also suffer from traffic congestion! Seems unfair to single out the Golden State. VERDICT: True, but the inclusion reveals an anti-California bias.
2. "Motor boys and girls with tans."
Hmm, true, the female population DOES tend to have a healthy glow. Even the Irish girls. But who are these "motor boys"? Robots? I never saw any robots. VERDICT: Half truth, at best. At best I say!
3. "Nearly was and almost rans."
Now you are just being snotty, Michael Stipe. I knew plenty of successful people in L.A. My friends lived in a duplex above where the guy from "Felicity" used to live. I worked with a guy who got a job on one of those syndicated sci-fi series, and his character was large enough that they drew him to the comic book. The comic book, Mr. Stipe. Myself, one time on the bus I almost sat in gum but I saw the gum before I sat down and so therefore moved to another seat on the bus, successfully avoiding the gum. VERDICT: Slander of the highest order!
4. "I remember redwood trees."
What? Red trees? Yeah right. Pure fiction. VERDICT: Sorry, still laughing about the idea of red trees. Red trees! Can you imagine?
5. "Bumper cars and Wolverines."
I don't know about bumper cars, as I tend to avoid things like bumper cars and cockfights. But Wolverines? Ha ha, my case is closed, Michael Stipe! First, there is only one Wolverine, though his friends call him Logan. And Wolverine does NOT live in California, but at The Xavier Institute in Westchester, NY. VERDICT: Wolverine may be able to repair himself with the greatest of ease, but R.E.M.'s credibility will never be repaired. Red trees, indeed!

seriously though wolverines don't live in California

444. "Photograph" Weezer

"Photograph"
Weezer
Weezer (The Green Album)
2001

When we think of the photos that have moved us over the years, a panoply of images flood the mind. The young, impossibly striking Afghan girl on the cover of National Geographic.

Or the Vietnamese monk Thich Quang Duc setting himself on fire in protest of the madness around him.

And of course who can forget the raising of the American flag on the island of Iwo Jima, six weeks of fierce battle finally resulting in the hard won victory of three strategic airfields.

But doubtless when one ponders the most important photographic image of all time, one comes back to the photo that best represents man's endless struggle to maintain dominion over the beasts with whom we share this great blue sphere. One image that captures our yearn to fly and our resentment of those that can.
I write, of course, of Fabio hitting a goose with his face on a rollercoaster, and the resultant aftermath.

So doth the swan her downy cygnets save,
Keeping them prisoner underneath her wings.
Yet, if this servile usage once offend.
Go, and be free again, as Suffolk's friend.
(1 King Henry 6, 5.3.54-60) 

445. "Re-Arrange Us" Mates of State

"Re-Arrange Us"
Mates of State
The Re-Arranger
2008

Here we have another student video, this one by high school kids. Obviously not as polished as the one by the grad student in graphic design for entry 450, "Feeling Good" by Nina Simone. But I like it, it's got moxie.
It also makes me jealous as hell.
When I was in high school, I wanted to be a film maker. I don't think I was as insufferable about it as that dumb wiener kid is in "Super 8", but I certainly felt I understood "cinema" more than anyone I knew. I had watched "Bringing Up Baby", and pretended to enjoy it! I saw most of a Truffaut movie for a report I wrote about him for French class! And maybe I hadn't seen 95% of the classic films released before 1988, but I had read enough about them to quote them with reasonable accuracy.
"Not only is that fellow slave Spartacus, but I am Spartacus as well!"
Anyhoo, that didn't work out (USC basically said I could come to school there, but I was NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES to approach the School of Cinema/TV or the students therein), and I never even got to make any cool amateur videos like this. And that's because back when computers were something people only used to make pie charts about their baseball card collections (right?) it was IMPOSSIBLE to edit anything.
This was amateur video editing in 1993:
1. Hook video camera up to TV.  If you would like your video to include music, unhook camera and go back and re-film everything with music playing in the background, then repeat step 1.
2. Hook VCR up to TV. (If your TV does not have two inputs, wait until this becomes more common. Should only be a couple of years.)
3. Play selected scene from camera, press "record" on VCR.
4. When you are 3.24 seconds from where you want to cut, press "pause" on VCR. If you are .01 off, your movie is ruined and you need to start over.
5. Most importantly, HAVE FUN!
So anyway I would have been all over iMovie when I was 17 is I guess what I'm saying.

446. "Sugarcube" Yo La Tengo

"Sugarcube"
Yo La Tengo
I Can Hear The Heart Beating As One
1997

As far as Yo La Tengo album titles go, I Can Hear The Heart Beating As One is toward the bottom.  If we were to compare Yo La Tengo album title to the Star Wars movies in terms of quality, it's probably Attack of the Clones. It's pretty bad, but there's something sorta cool (ass-kicking Yoda) about it.

May I Sing With Me is the clear Phantom Menace. 

And just like the Star Wars pictures, there is a clear number one.

Empire Strikes Back is definitely (and this is maybe the best possible album title for an indie pop record made by middle aged dorks) I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass.

447 (replacement): "The KKK Took My Baby Away" The Ramones

"The KKK Took My Baby Away"
The Ramones
Pleasant Dreams
1981

Phew. That's better. Seriously that Neon Trees commercial is the worst thing since AIDS.
I wish I had more Ramones songs on here, but, well, pretty much you put one Ramones song on you've put them all on. So consider this entry to also include "Beat On The Brat", "Sheena Is A Punk Rocker", "Rockaway Beach", "Blitzkreig Bop", and "Pet Sematary".

INSIDER ROCK KNOWLEDGE:
Joey wrote this song after fighting with Johnny Ramone over a girl. Johnny, of course, was well known as a conservative, and Joey was a bleeding heart punk rocker, so just to twist the knife in the song Joey basically called Johnny the motherfucking Ku Klux Klan.
No one will ever be cooler than Joey Ramone. Sleater-Kinney will agree with me later in the blog.

447. "1983" Neon Trees

"1983"
Neon Trees
Habits
2010

In 1983, I was seven years old, and... oh, wait hold on. Just want to watch this commercial real quick.





GAAH! What the hell was that?
Neon Trees, you are OFF THE COUNTDOWN!
RAMONES, GET IN HERE!

448. "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own" U2

"Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own"
U2
How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
2004

I pulled over when I heard this song on the radio ("95.5 WBRU, All the hits from the 90's, the 1990's, and the decade after the 80's! Plus the occasional new U2 song").
My dad had been gone at the time for just over five years, still fresh enough that it would sneak up and hit me sometimes. Those were less and less frequent as the years passed, but when I heard the lyric "It's you when I don't pick up the phone," I had to do my civic duty and get my ass off the public roads.
I don't see my dad when I look in the mirror yet. We have some of the same mannerisms, but that's really it.
It will come. I'm still eight years younger than he was when I was born.
The coolest thing, though, the coolest fucking thing? Is when I see my parents in my daughters' faces.
Life is a wonder.

449. "It's A Pose" Nellie McKay

"It's A Pose"
Nellie McKay
Get Away From Me
2004

For a long time, when someone asked me who my favorite band was, I thought it was hilarious to answer, "The Max Weinberg Seven."
And now they show up in the countdown!

450. "Feeling Good" Nina Simone

"Feeling Good"
Nina Simone
I Put A Spell On You
1965

This is one of at least two videos I'll be posting that were done as college projects, and holy shee-it. Probably two of the best videos in the countdown.
When I was in college, my most successful project was finding new things to put Southern Comfort in.


Oh yeah and Michael Buble can eat a dick.

451. "Scared of Girls" Placebo

"Scared of Girls"
Placebo
Without You I'm Nothing
1998

I was reading about tarantulas today (just a totally normal thing to read about at work).
When the male tarantula is feeling randy, he goes to a female and taps the ground with his super gross front legs. If she's receptive (maybe she's had a tarantula cosmo or two), she'll present herself to the lucky male. And then sometimes she'll just change her mind AND EAT HIM.
If she decides to let him live, she then lays a giant egg sac with 50-100 little tarantulas in it, which isn't disgusting at all. She is protective of her brood, but if she doesn't like the way the l'il tarantulas are progressing inside the sac, she'll TEAR IT OPEN AND EAT ALL HER OFFSPRING.
So nut up, Placebo. Human females are nothing to be afraid of.

452. "Pets" Porno for Pyros

"Pets"
Porno for Pyros
Porno for Pyros
1993

The first few times I heard this song on the radio in the summer of 1993 (95.5 WBRU in Providence, RI, still playing the exact same songs they did in the summer of 1993), I thought it was song about manufacturing fruit flavored candies.
Ladies and gentlemen, my all-time favorite misheard lyric:

                                                            "We'll make Grape Pez."

Still haven't heard a great song about manufacturing fruit flavored candies yet. Maybe in 2012.

453. "It Makes No Difference" The Darling Buds

"It Makes No Difference"
The Darling Buds
Crawdaddy
1990

I love that this song came out in 1990. It's like, "A new decade! Communism in Eastern Europe is ending, and something called Jesus Jones is singing inspirational songs about it! Buuuttt, well, this is gonna be the overarching theme for rock music in the coming years: apathy! Come on everybody, sing along! 'It makes no difference to me...'"

Note: I love that this video starts with 20 seconds of background, as if this were lost footage from the Kennedy assassination and not just four pasty white people sitting around a rehearsal space.

454. "Here's Where The Story Ends" The Sundays

"Here's Where The Story Ends"
The Sundays
Reading, Writing and Arithmetic
1990

Little known endings to famous stories:
Casablanca: Rick runs his Cafe Americain for several years before selling to an American rock star; Rick's Cabo Wabo still a popular North African spring break destination
Of Mice and Men: Dead bunny re-animates and leads zombie bunny revolution. Humanity crushed under the thumping foot of zombie bunnies.
Star Wars: Princess Leia gives birth to several children over the years who suffer from hemophilia; Han Solo becomes suspicious of his wife's "family nights" with Luke.
The Shawshank Redemption:  Red and Andy find they really don't like each other after they aren't forced to spend all their time together, and become heads of rival drug cartels. Andy beheaded after a kidnapping in 1998; his head is never found, though Red is heard to boast he knows how to find things.
Forrest Gump: Due to Forrest's craven idiocy and Jenny's profound lack of morals, they have the sex one last time before she dies, and Forrest gets AIDS. He is fired from his job at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., and his wrongful termination lawsuit fails. He dies penniless and alone. His son will see his ghost on occasion, but prefers to hang out with Bruce Willis.

455. "Teenage Riot" Sonic Youth

"Teenage Riot"
Sonic Youth
Daydream Nation
1988

BREAKING NEWS: Teenagers are the worst.
I feel I'm uniquely qualified to make this judgment as I once was a teenager. I was shortsighted, self-absorbed, and inconsiderate of other's feelings.
Sound familiar?
When you're ten or eleven years old, being a teenager is the goal. From all the scary horror movies and dumb comedies you watch, you know being a teen is nothing but non-stop house parties and sex-having, with the occasional beheading. But the beheading usually coincides with the sex-having, so even-steven.
When you actually are a teenager, OMIGOD THE WHOLE WORLD SUCKS AND YOU SUCK AND JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
And once you're older, you realize: our culture is programmed to appeal to these weird creatures. Hollywood spends hundreds of millions of dollars on an action movie where no one can tell what the fuck is going on, and it makes a billion dolllars. Auto-Tune goes from a gimmick on Garage Band to an actual genre of music.
And once one round of teenagers is done, there's another one right behind it, dumber and louder than the last.
And god help me, in about eight years I'm going to have two of them.
At the same time.
Cyanide capsule is at the ready.

456. "Circle" Edie Brickell & New Bohemians

"Circle"
Edie Brickell & New Bohemians
Shooting Rubberbands at the Stars
1988

I had one friend when I was a kid whose parents were almost cool. Not "cool" like they let us get drunk at their house, but like they had a CD player in 1986 and bought CDs like Paul Simon's Graceland and that one Dire Straits album everyone had.
The friend and I had a falling out around 1987, but I can guaran-fucking-tee his parents bought this album. Classic almost cool parents album.
TRIVIA KORNER:
Edie Brickell married Paul Simon, and they have three children. One of those children will release an album someday that will be eagerly awaited by the music press, and then be forgotten after being boring and sucky.

457. "Hallelujah" Ryan Adams

"Hallelujah"
Ryan Adams
Demolition
2002

The only clip on YouTube with the studio version of this song is this video of some dude's vacation on the Columbia River on his boat Island Time.
It's pretty much just 3 minutes of water.
It's not bad, but it probably isn't one of the better Columbia River videos I've seen.

458. "Head On" Pixies

"Head On"
Pixies
Trompe Le Monde
1991

I used to find Kim Deal incredibly sexy, even though I didn't find her attractive at all. This is because playing an instrument makes people up to 34% sexier. I can't speak for the exact numbers as far as men go, but with women the math is as follows:
Xylophone: 2 % sexier
Theremin: 7 % sexier
Saxophone/clarinet: 12 % sexier
Flute: 21 % sexier
Guitar: 23 % sexier
Bass: 28 % sexier
Drums: 31% sexier (see White, Meg)
Violin 34% sexier

                                                                       Science!

459. "Judy and the Dream of Horses" Belle and Sebastian

"Judy and the Dream of Horses"
Belle and Sebastian
If You're Feeling Sinister
1996

ANECDOTE KORNER:
I bought this album as a lark when I went to Waterloo Records in Austin to get the just released Sean Lennon album. Anyone remember how awesome Sean Lennon was going to be? He was going to meld the Beatles and the Beastie Boys and Sonic Youth and Yoko Ono and Chloe Sevigny into one mid 90's artsy melange.
So anyway that album wasn't any good, but that's how I found Belle and Sebastian.
I had a good friend in Austin named Judi. Before I left to return to L.A. I made her a mixtape, as I  used to do for anyone I was on a first name basis with.
About 30 seconds after giving it to her, I realized I didn't put "Judy and the Dream of Horses" on a mixtape for a girl named Judi.
I still haven't forgiven myself.

460. "If I Should Fall From Grace With God" The Pogues

"If I Should Fall From Grace With God"
The Pogues
If I Should Fall From Grace With God
1988

Well goddammit I had everything set up so I would be posting this one on St. Patrick's Day, and I missed it by a half an hour.
I guess I nailed it in other time zones though. Slainte, other time zones.
So I was having an invigorating conversation with one of my favorite people tonight, about things happening for a reason, and why I hate that idea.
Not just for the bad things - i.e. that every rape and child murder and the Holocaust happened "for a reason", but the good things, too.
I don't want to think that I met my wife and we had our twinnies for a reason. I love the idea that it was a random occurrence. I love the idea that if my brother doesn't ask out his co-worker as a teenager, my daughters are never born.
I love that human existence is a one-in-a-500-trillion chance happy accident, to me that is so much more breathtaking than the idea that a man with a beard molded us from clay.
I'm in the minority here, but so are we. In the minority among billions and billions of stars, lucky enough to live on the one rock close enough to one so that we can exist.
Erin Go Bragh. An Phoblacht Abu. Tiocfaidh Ar La. 

461. "Cheapskate" Supergrass

"Cheapskate"
Supergrass
In It For The Money
1997

I've always loved the image of someone "breaking into life". I picture a little newborn baby busting out of the the birth canal with a top hat and a sack of money with a big "$" on it.
Undoubtedly that's the image this song is meant to invoke.
Here's the closest image I could find:

462. "Someday?" Concrete Blonde

"Someday?"
Concrete Blonde
Walking In London
1992

I'm not gonna ask you guys to watch the whole video up there, because as pretty as this song is, that video is an abomination. Just everything bad about early 90's "college music" videos going on, even granny glasses. But just play the first five seconds - remember when videos would put those little beeps at the beginning sometimes? What the hell were those things all about?
You know what video started that? I think it was Paula Adbul's "Cold Hearted". Before she had a second act drinking vodka out of a Coke glass on "American Idol", Paula Abdul was the future Mrs. Timmy. MTV had a "Win a Date With Paula Abdul" contest once, and I remember being super pissed that the contest was not open to residents of Mississippi and Rhode Island. I mean, fuck Mississippi, they can all win a date with their cousins whenever, but I was an awkward 13 year old boy and this contest was my chance for lady action! (They probably had something about not letting a 13 year old win either, come to think of it.)
Anyway this is the video (directed by my boy David Fincher!) that made me a man in the summer of 1989. Note the little beeps.

463. "Casino Queen" Wilco

"Casino Queen"
Wilco
A.M.
1995

Jeff Tweedy must be really bad at gambling. According to this song, he always bets on black in blackjack.
ANECDOTE KORNER:
One time at New York, New York casino in Vegas I saw a lady at a nickel slot machine, slumped against the glass, clearly despairing. How hard must it be to lose your life's savings a nickel at a time? That's just pure grit and determination.

464. "Get Away" Victoria Williams

*video not available on YouTube; don't tell Mr. Quarles that. You might ruin his good mood.


"Get Away"
Victoria Williams
Loose
1994

Time does funny things with our opinions. If I'd done this list ten years ago, this song would have been in the top 100. 15 years ago, probably top ten, with about another 10 Victoria Williams songs in the 500, instead of just the one.
When we watch a movie that we remember enjoying years ago, and we do not enjoy it as much anymore, we blame the movie. It doesn't "hold up". I'm not usually a fan of this argument; if I don't like Short Circuit as much at 36 as I did when I was ten, I'm not sure that's Short Circuit's fault.
Songs are more like old friends. If we haven't hung out for a while, and then we don't have a fantastic time when we catch up, we don't blame each other. We've just grown apart.
It's sad, but it happens.
This part of the list is chock full of songs that at one point I capital-L-loved, and while I'm still fond of them, they don't get all the synapses firing anymore. So if this starts seeming like "Timmy Loves The 90's", I apologize, and promise things will get more varied.
So I guess what I'm saying is that no Living Colour songs made my list.


"Justified" gif from the wonderful television blog Warming Glow

465. "A Little Soul" Pulp

"A Little Soul"
Pulp
This Is Hardcore
1998

"Jarvis Cocker" is such a perfect name for an English rock star, I wouldn't be surprised it if was made up. If the man himself was really a computer simulation like in that Al Pacino movie S1mone. If instead of being a recluse, the reason we never see Thomas Pynchon is because he is hard at work on "Jarvis Cocker", his greatest creation to date.
Otherwise, if that is his real name, he must have felt a lot of pressure to be an English rock star. Not too many other options. He should probably talk to The Orb about that. The Orb would understand Jarvis Cocker's pain.

466. "Pretty Deep" Tanya Donelly

"Pretty Deep"
Tanya Donelly
Lovesongs For Underdogs
1997

When she sings, "You thought you saw a body on the beach / we got closer, it was just a tire/ and you were disappointed, I could see", I can't tell if she's bringing that up because it's a sign that the dude is a bad dude or not. Because seriously, if you thought you saw a dead body on the beach, and then it turned out to just be a dumb tire, you would be wicked pissed. Probably a little relieved, too, but mostly pissed.
Ease up on the value judgments here Tanya Donelly.
Also, a quick note about the videos: I try to put up a video of the studio recording whenever possible, since that recording is what gave the song its place on the 500. If there's a live recording that's demonstrably better than the studio version, I'll post that (like "These Days", R.E.M., and the #2 song is a live performance of a cover song *spoiler*). But Warner Bros. disabled embedding on the official video to this song. Typical backwards record industry bullshit. They spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on a video, and then make it harder for people to see it. Yeah, maybe 20 people (hopefully a lot more, but I'm being modest) will read this and watch the video, but what does Warner gain by me posting a live performance?
If any of the Warner brothers care to contact me about this, please send me an email. I have opinions!

467. "I Don't Feel Like Dancin'" Scissor Sisters

"I Don't Feel Like Dancin'"
Scissor Sisters
Ta-Dah
2006

When I don't feel like dancin', what I do is I put a personal ad online saying that I'm looking a for a new friend. Then we meet, and hang out, and just have the best time ever.
Such good chums we become!
Then I introduce my new best pal to a pretty girl, and they fall in love, and get married.
And they have a wedding, and I love dancin' at weddings, so, boom: now I feel like dancin'!
And I've got a new friend!

468. "Little Talks" Of Monsters and Men

"Little Talks"
Of Monsters and Men
My Head Is An Animal
2011

And Iceland makes its first appearance in the 500! We will have another entry from this Nordic European country in the North Atlantic Ocean (on the Mid-Atlantic Ridge) later in the countdown, which means Iceland has twice as many entrants as France.
Once again: get it together France.
Of Monsters and Men is probably my favorite band currently from this island nation of 320,000 people. Probably one the best groups since AD 874 when the chieftain Ingólfur Arnarson became the first permanent Norse settler on the island.
One can hear the echoes of Iceland's free market economy (with relatively low taxes compared with other OECD countries) in this bouncy tune. Most Icelanders are descendants of Norse (particularly from Western Norway) and Gaelic settlers. Are Of Monsters and Men? Based on what we know, most likely!
In conclusion, this is a great song, and Iceland has the smallest population among NATO members, and has no standing army.


(h/t to Wikipedia)

469. "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk" Rufus Wainwright

"Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk"
Rufus Wainwright
Poses
2001

As long as men have children, they will tell their kids that chocolate milk comes from chocolate cows. They will point out brown cows on road trips. "Look, kids," they will shout. "Chocolate cows!"
And it will always be funny.

470. "These Days" R.E.M.

"These Days"
R.E.M.
Lifes Rich Pageant
1986

"These Days" sounds like R.E.M. tried to make a "we are the new generation!" anthem, as timeworn a tradition in rock music as bloated double albums and hitting groupies with fish. But Michael Stipe just didn't have it in him to write lyrics that straightforward, so the rousing chorus includes the declaration "we are concern!"
I imagine Michael Stipe having this problem in daily life, not being able to communicate because his thoughts all come out in a manner that prizes evocation rather than clarity.
"Hey Michael, wanna go to the ballgame?"
"The lightbulb flickers, scoreboard fine! Everybody lines up in line, lightbulb oh!"
"So... yes?"

471. "Goodbye Earl" The Dixie Chicks

"Goodbye Earl"
The Dixie Chicks
Fly
2000

So at one point this song was the most controversial thing about the Dixie Chicks.
(Which, of course, is bullshit. Each major American cultural medium had their own "Ooh, this is about a woman who kills an abusive man! This is controversial!" moment. TV with The Burning Bed, movies with Thelma and Louise, and pop music with "Goodbye Earl", spaced just about ten years apart from one another. I don't see this being an issue today, we have come a long way as a society. Why, no, I haven't heard of Chris Brown, tell me more.)
I'm generally not a fan of contemporary Nashville country music, other than the odd song or two that tickles my fancy (you know that one by Tim McGraw, or that other one by that other guy). But one day, before all the baloney about the Dixie Chicks being communisss traitors because the lead singer said something other people disagreed with, I was wasting a day in front of the TV and probably couldn't find the remote or something, because I ended up watching an hourlong Dixie Chicks special. And goddamn if I didn't love it.
I was charmed. They were charming.
And this song kicks a little bit of ass.

472. "She's A Rainbow" The Rolling Stones

"She's A Rainbow"
The Rolling Stones
Their Satanic Majesties Request
1967

Int., My living room, 1998.
Me:  Hey guys, look, and ad for the new iMac, with one of my favorite Rolling Stones songs! Boy, Apple sure seems like they are on a roll! I wonder if they would let me pick songs for their commercials?
My asshole friends:  (unintelligible grunting and noises of disapproval)


Bastards.

473. "Echoes Myron" Guided by Voices

"Echoes Myron"
Guided by Voices
Bee Thousand
1994

I once owned 26 Guided by Voices recordings. I have a feeling we'll see them again in this list, so I'm loathe to shoot my proverbial GBV wad this early.
I will say this: no other band could write a lyric as simultaneously ridiculous and awesome as "'If it's right you can tell,' echoes Myron like a siren with endurance like the Liberty Bell", and get you to sing along joyfully, at the top of your lungs.

474. "Pretty Tied Up" Guns N' Roses

"Pretty Tied Up"
Guns N' Roses
Use Your Illusion II
1991

I had a hidden shame as an alterna-kid in high school: I secretly loved Guns N' Roses. The perception seems to have changed a bit in the years since, but once "alternative" music took off, GnR were lumped in with Poison and Cinderella and the rest of the hair bands who were suddenly about as cool as Herb Alpert (Tijuana Brass, holla).
The Black Crowes (the other band who started the movement away from "image is everything" pop metal) got kind of screwed in the deal too, but fuck the Black Crowes.
The point is, when I scrawled the names of my favorite bands on my white hi-top Chucks in 11th grade, no way in Hades was I putting Guns N' Roses on there, even though I listened to them at least ten times as often as bands that did end up with the honor of an inscription on my smelly size tens and a halfs, like They Eat Their Own. Remember They Eat Their Own? Me neither.
I got through it. Yeah, it was tough when I heard people making fun of Shannon Hoon for being in the "Don't Cry" video, not being able to shout, "No, you're all wrong! Blind Melon is the band that sucks! Axl is the one that should be embarrassed!"
But I'm strong. Lived a hardscrabble life, made my way on the streets.
And eventually Axl came back and proved everyone wrong with Chinese Democracy, the album that sold 84 million copies worldwide, topped the Pazz and Jop poll and won 15 Grammys.
Wait, what?

475. "The Galway Girl" Steve Earle

"The Galway Girl"
Steve Earle
Transcendental Blues
2000

There are certain things with no grey area in people's opinion regarding them: one either loves or detests them.
The complete list:
Brian DePalma films, Miracle Whip, Irish music, adult-oriented cartoons, pickles (GROSS), the designated hitter in baseball, snowy days, and porn.
For the record, I am a fan of four of those things.

476. "When The President Talks To God" Bright Eyes

"When The President Talks to God"
Bright Eyes
single
2005

I read recently that only 4% of Americans identify themselves as atheists.
I guess that means I know all of them.

477. "Birdhouse In Your Soul" They Might Be Giants

"Birdhouse In Your Soul"
They Might Be Giants
Flood
1990

I think a lot about how the internet has changed our lives, specifically that we now have every piece of information in recorded history at our fingertips.
When this song first came out, I prided myself on the references that I understood. "Killing Jason off and countless screaming Argonauts is funny because it's like Jason from 'Friday the 13th' but also the Jason of Greek myth, and his mighty ship the Argo! No, I don't want to join the AV Club, those guys are a bunch of nerds."
But one reference stuck in my craw: "My story's infinite, like the Longines Symphonette, it doesn't rest."
What the hell was the Longines Symphonette? The 1978 World Book encyclopedia we had in our house was no help.
I had to use my powers of deductive reasoning: The Longines Symphonette was an orchestra that had been playing music without interruption since the dawn of time.
And I lived with that assumption for fifteen years. I could not understand why such a remarkable achievement was covered so lightly.
Well along comes Wikipedia, and I was thrilled to discover that I was right! Oh, wait, no, apparently it was just some radio show.
Stupid correct information. How cool would an immortal orchestra have been?

478. "Friends Forever" Old 97's

*video not available on YouTube


"Friends Forever"
Old 97's
Drag It Up
2004

So basically this song is about how the singer was a weirdo music geek, and high school sucked, and all the people who promise to be "Friends Forever! xoxo" in your yearbook are full of shit.
I don't know. Maybe I was in the minority, but I liked high school. I'm not close friends with anyone from back then anymore, but we keep up on Facebook. Maybe this song would be different if it came out after Facebook.
As I remember it, in our school the theater kids were friends with the soccer players, who were friends with the Academic Decathalon crowd, who were friends with the pot smokers, etc. etc. I could be remembering it wrong. It might be like that episode of "30 Rock" where Liz Lemon realizes she wasn't picked on, she was the bully. Maybe everybody hated each other and I was just oblivious to it.
Oh wait, I forgot, nobody liked the AV Club. Ha ha ha what a bunch of nerds.

479. "Mushaboom" Feist

"Mushaboom"
Feist
Let It Die
2004

I found this song (via a cover version on the Bright Eyes B-side comp) right after my daughters were born, which was just after my then-girlfriend (now-wife, chill out, family values folks) moved in together in a 2 bedroom apartment in Marshfield, Mass.
I think it took a few listens before I realized this song was spying on us. I was taking a coat off of one of the babies, and started singing, "helping the kids out of their coats," and chuckled.
I kept singing, and a feeling of unease descended upon our little apartment. "It may be years until that day our dreams will match up with our pay," I sang. "Lauri, she's singing about US."
"Don't be an idiot," she said.
I kept on, and soon was frantic. "'SECOND FLOOR LIVING WITHOUT A YARD'. WE DON'T HAVE A YARD! WE ARE ON THE SECOND FLOOR!"
"Stop it, you're scaring m..."
"THE SONG IS WATCHING US! 'MUSHABOOM' HAS ACHIEVED SENTIENCE AND IS WATCHING OUR EVERY MOVE!"
So what we did was we burned down the apartment building and moved to a nice house with a little yard.

480. "Hell Is Around The Corner" Tricky

"Hell Is Around The Corner"
Tricky
Maxinquaye
1995

I don't know what the hell the deal is with that video up there. Maybe this is a really popular song in the foot fetish community.
One of my favorite things about this song is that it uses the same background as a Portishead song that we'll see later in the countdown, and that came out a year earlier. Tricky didn't care that the audience for the two records was probably 98 % identical, Tricky said fuck it, my song is better, I'll use them damn spooky strings anyway.
He wasn't quite right, but still.
That's good hustle, Tricky!

481. "Honey" Moby

"Honey"
Moby
Play
1999

One of my friends knows someone who is friends with Moby, and one night the three of them all hung out together in New York.
Apparently Moby was really cool.

True story!

482. "I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor" Arctic Monkeys

"I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor"
Arctic Monkeys
Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
2006

History will remember Arctic Monkeys as one of the 749 bands the British music press hyped as "the next Beatles!", and one of the three or four that actually ended up being good. (Not you, Kula Shaker. Go away.)
I'll remember them for something else; I loved this debut record, and the follow up has a song in the top ten of our countdown, but listening to what was the Next Big Thing at the time made me realize something: rock music was done evolving.
To be sure, there are a limited amount of sounds you can make with a guitar, bass, drums and voice. People have added electronic elements, that sounds pretty good sometimes.
But we aren't going to have a new genre of rock music. The 60s had psychedelia, the 70s punk, the 80s post-punk and new wave, the 90s grunge, along with a hundred different sub-genres. After that, all we've had is nostalgia. The White Stripes are probably the best band of the last 10 years, but if you had never heard them before and someone told you White Blood Cells came out in 1968, would you argue?
It looked for a while that Radiohead might be doing something new, but then they stopped caring about making music that people would enjoy hearing.
The best band right now, Arcade Fire, are doing yeoman's work, and progressing with each record.  But as awesome as it sounds, it's not a new sound.
And that's okay. Just was weird to realize.

This is a song for robots from 1984.

483. "Kiss Them For Me" Siouxsie & The Banshees

"Kiss Them For Me"
Siouxsie & The Banshees
Superstition
1991

Because I've always been a huge dork, I used to come up with ideas for fake movies by listening to songs, and imagining all the scenes in the movie with the specific song playing over it. (Depeche Mode songs were a popular go-to for love scenes).
One of my imaginary movies was called "Kiss Them For Me", and this was the song that played over the opening titles.
As best I can recall, that movie was about a lady going to a party.
There's a reason I didn't end up making movies.

This is a good song for a movie about a lady going to a party.

484. "Get Some" Lykke Li

"Get Some"
Lykke Li
Wounded Rhymes
2011

"I'm your prostitute; you gonna get some" is obviously a provocative lyric.
Lykke Li is from Sweden. Most Swedes speak English (source: my assumption), but what if Lykke Li does not? And what if she just wanted to write a tune about a friendly ice cream man, and her interpreter was just being an asshole?
"Ja, Sven" (all Swedish dudes are named Sven) "Sven I am almost done writing ice cream man song. English translation almost all done, ja?"
"Oh, ja, Lykke Li."
"Ja, Sven vat is English for 'ice cream man'?"
"Ja, Lykke Li, English word is 'prostitute'." (titters coquettishly) "Lykke Li, sit down on your Poang from IKEA and sing your new hit record."
"Ja Sven, all the American and English children will be so happy with new hit record about the friendly cream man giving Haagen-Dasz to all the boys and girls! Lykke Li will be most popular woman in all the world!"
"Ja, Lykke Li, all the boys anyway."
"Vat, Sven?"
"Ist nothing, Lykke Li. Dis hit record will be # 1 hit record song for people who like ice cream, and for fnask."

485. "Bruises" Chairlift

"Bruises"
Chairlift
Does You Inspire You? (that might be the worst album title in history. Worse than Coheed and Cambria. - Ed.)
2009

I mean, seriously, not one of you?  Nobody thought to tell me that there would be this job putting music to Apple TV ads, and that it would only be like the best job ever, and I would be like one of the 10 most powerful people in the industry? Nobody. Bunch of frickin' jerks is what you are.

This is a good song for the assholes I call friends.

486. "This Charming Man" The Smiths

"This Charming Man"
The Smiths
single
1983


Back about ten years or so ago, the music media suddenly noticed something interesting:  Mexican people loved Morrissey. It was funny to see a phenomenon that I had seen myself  capture the imagination of the press. Chuck Klosterman wrote about it, I think. Gladwell's probably working on something right now.
I bring this up not to get into a sociological discussion about gender politics or ranchera music; I bring this up to relate that I was friends with a dude named Mario, of Guatemalan descent. Mario was a big dude, a manly dude, and he LOVED Morrissey.
And friends, let me tell you: you have not lived until you've been in a car with a 250 pound Latino dude singing, "I would go out tonight, but I haven't got a stitch to wear..."

Esta es una buena canción para las personas que no salen fuera.

487. "New Slang" The Shins

"New Slang"
The Shins
Oh, Inverted World
2001

I heard this song for the first time around November of 2003, and it has changed my life in following ways:
- Turned me from a single man into a married father of two
- Magically aged me from 27 years old to 36 years old
- Made me stop watching "Scrubs" (I guess that was mostly due to the show getting cancelled)
- Forced me to quit working on my script for Ocean State, a coming of age story about a guy who returns to Rhode Island for a funeral, then meets a manic pixie dream girl who puts headphones on him and makes him listen to "Lola, Stars and Stripes" by the Stills
- Made me start drinking and smoking again
- Circumcised me
- Turned me from "not a fan" of chicken salad to "definitely a fan" of chicken salad



This is good song for Natalie Portman.

488. "The Suffering" Coheed and Cambria

"The Suffering"
Coheed and Cambria
Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV, Volume One: From Fear Through The Eyes of Madness (seriously)
2005

If you are unfamiliar with Coheed and Cambria, allow me to present the Wikipedia entry for their discography:

"The Coheed and Cambria albums have been released out of sequence in relation to The Amory Wars story arc; the last album released was the first part of the series. The first CD released was The Second Stage Turbine Blade, the second part in the series, followed by the third, In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3, and the fourth, which is split into two volumes. The first, Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV, Volume One: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness, was released in 2005, and the second, entitled Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV, Volume Two: No World for Tomorrow, was released on October 23, 2007, and is said to be the last chapter in the ongoing saga of Coheed and Cambria Kilgannon, the main characters in The Amory Wars saga."


Zounds! It's like this is not a band so much as experiment to see if you can be a rock star and still not have relations with girls. Their groupies probably roll a 20-sided die to see what sex acts they'll perform.
That said, I kinda love 'em. The lead singer sounds like Geddy Lee got kicked in the nuts, but they are a reliable source of catchy prog-metal.


This is a good song for level 13 warlocks.

489. "New Soul" Yael Naim

"New Soul"
Yael Naim
Yael Naim
2008

Sometimes people suggest jobs for me. I know they mean well, but in almost every case they are suggesting something that I would enjoy 100 times less than my current cubicle monkey position.
"You should be an English teacher." I have 2 six year olds, and I'm already dreading them becoming teenagers. I'm not going to voluntarily spend time around teenagers, even if I get paid for it.
But what pisses me off is that NOT ONE of my so-called "friends" in the early 2000s ever suggested that I should apply to be the guy who chooses songs for Apple's TV ads.
Because that, my friends, that...
That right there is a good job.

This is a song for people who are only exposed to new music during commercial breaks on Grey's Anatomy.

490. "Gene Autry" Beulah

"Gene Autry"
Beulah
The Coast Is Never Clear
2001

I'm gonna be honest here, rockers: I have no idea where this song came from.
I never saw this band play live. I don't remember a friend telling me, "Hey, check out Beulah!" Pretty sure I never read a review in SPIN that piqued my interest in Beulah.
It just showed up on my iPod one day, kicking shuffle's ass. But how?
Did the band slip me a roofie, then come into my house and download it onto my computer? MAYBE. Did I take a medication for which one of the side effects was "Beulah-related amnesia"? PROBABLY. Do I have split personalities like in "Fight Club", and my alter ego is named Beulah, and he wrote and recorded this song? ALL SIGNS POINT TO YES.

This is a good song for people who like singing cowboys but hate country and western music.

491. "1901" Phoenix

"1901"
Phoenix
Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
2009

Serious question: why have we never had a great French rock and roll band? France has always been a center of art and culture, they love sex, they drink like the best of them ... I don't get it. Jiminy Christmas, even GERMANY has had more of an impact on rock music than France.
It's almost like the French heard the Beatles, shrugged, and went outside to have a cigarette for 40 years. Phoenix is the closest they've come since.
(Editor's note: That old group Air does not count, because whatever it is that they think they are doing is the opposite of rock music.)


This is a song for people who describe themselves as "continental" but don't know what that means.

492. "Way Down In The Hole" Tom Waits

"Way Down in the Hole"
Tom Waits
Franks Wild Years
1987


OH MY GOD this is the song they play during the opening credits of "The Wire"! Have you seen "The Wire"? What do you mean "NO"? It's, like the BEST show ever, you guys. Even President Obama thinks so, he said so on the Bill Simmons podcast. His favorite character is Omar. OMAR, my god, like right? Isn't Omar the best? "I keeps one in the chamber in case..." I forget how it goes. He's SO awesome. And he's gay, and it's like, totally not a big deal to any of the other people in the show, and you know how black people usually hate gay people? What, that's not racist, I can't be racist, I love "The Wire".

This is a song for fans of quality HBO dramas.

493. "Party Hard" Andrew W.K.

"Party Hard"
Andrew W.K.
I Get Wet
2001

Andrew W.K.'s seminal 2001 album I Get Wet, while held in high regard at the time of its release, has seen its reputation as a forward thinking work of art only burnished in the time that has followed, so that now it is of a piece with beacons of sonic expression like Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, or Samuel Barber's Adagio.
One needs only a cursory listen to the singer's plaintive wail to discern there is greatness at play. When Andrew W.K. yearns, "Let's get a party going, and when it's time to party we will always party hard," it is hard not to think of America in 2001, the towers crumbling before our eyes, a decade of war stretched out on the horizon in front of us.
"Party Hard", therefore, is a parable for our culture on the post-millennial, post-modern, post-racial age, always striving, seeking, working, death's haunting bell forever around the corner...
This is a good song for people who like to party hard.

494. "Jambalaya (On The Bayou)" Hank Williams

"Jambalaya (On The Bayou)"
Hank Williams
Honky Tonkin'
1952

If you are ever in the mood for some authentic Cajun cuisine, we have a popular spot right here in Richmond, Virginia that will satisfy that craving. A little out-of-the-way locale that goes by the name "The Cheesecake Factory", you'll think you're pickin' along with old Hank Williams as you savor the flavor of Louisiana!
The dish is called "Cajun Jambalaya Pasta", which I believe is French or Creole or something. Shrimp AND chicken, sauteed with onions, tomato and peppers in a spicy Cajun sauce! All on top of linguini*.
Yes sir, don't let the name fool you, "The Cheescake Factory" is little taste of New Orleans right here in the Old Dominion!
This song comes with unlimited refills of Coke.

*also available over rice.

495. "Put The Message In A Box" World Party

"Put The Message In a Box"
World Party
Goodbye Jumbo
1990

I think David Fincher missed a golden opportunity in Se7en. How much better would the ending scene have been if, after Brad Pitt opens the box, this jam started playing.
This is a song for when John Doe has the upper hand!

496. "Table For One" Liz Phair

"Table For One"
Liz Phair
Somebody's Miracle
2005

This haunting little song about an alcoholic is from Liz Phair's 2005 album Somebody's Miracle, as you know from the things I typed in under the video clip up there. Somebody's Miracle was an underrated album, if underrated means "really fucking terrible", which I think it does. (English major!)
Liz Phair made arguably the best album of the 1990's, Whitechocolatespaceegg Exile In Guyville, so I kept buying her records despite steadily diminishing returns. Even her infamous self titled album had some good power pop tunes (one of which we'll discuss later in the 500). Somebody's Miracle permanently took her off my "buy new record immediately" list. It's not even a good drink coaster, the hole in the middle of the disc lets all the moisture drip right onto the coffee table.
At least she could still do songs like this. She probably still can, but she's making Bollywood style rap songs.
Sad song, sad story.
This is a song for anyone who has ever hidden a liquor bottle.

497. "Song For A Girl Who Has One" Too Much Joy

*video not available on YouTube


"Song For a Girl Who Has One"
Too Much Joy
Son of Sam I Am
1989

Certain song lyrics illuminate universal truths. Bob Dylan: "You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows". Public Enemy: "Elvis was a hero to most, but he never meant shit to me." Too Much Joy: "The girl at Stuckey's, her face was a mess."
There was a Stuckey's in Rhode Island for a brief time while I was in high school. One night, my friends and I somehow ended up there, and found ourselves surrounded by hillbillies and rotating pies.
What's that? You didn't know Rhode Island had hillbillies? Neither did we, until we ventured into Stuckey's that evening in the early 90's. We were just looking for some mid-priced semi-edible late night food, and found ourselves through the looking glass, with women in sweatshirts with cats on them and three year olds out for dinner at 10:30 at night.
I left for college soon after, and when I returned the Stuckey's and the hillbillies were gone. Moved on to more hospitable climes, probably western New York state.
And yes, our waitress had severe acne.
This is a good song for snobs who look down on people who eat at Stuckey's.

498. "Bad Time" The Jayhawks

"Bad Time"
The Jayhawks
Tomorrow The Green Grass
1995

Lovely song, but the singer never identifies exactly WHY this is bad time to be in love. Just poor songwriting right there, making the listener do the work. One might assume it's a bad time to be in love because a family member recently died, and he is busy with funeral arrangements and what not. A closer listen reveals this to be clearly false: there is pure joy in the singer's shout that he is "in LOVE with a girl!".
Therefore the only explanation is that the singer is an accountant and he is falling love during tax season. The Jayhawks should record a follow up, "Now It's A Good Time (April 16th)".

This is a song that tax preparers would enjoy.

499. "Daughter" Loudon Wainwright III

"Daughter"
 Loudon Wainwright III
Strange Weirdos
2007
 A lot of people know this song from "Knocked Up", the popular Seth Rogen film about premarital sexual relations. Real fans like me knew this song for years before Hollywood ruined it by putting it in a sellout corporate comedy. What a bunch of out of touch sheep you guys are. Ha!

 EDIT: I have been informed that this song was actually recorded specifically for the movie. All comments about "out of touch sheep" are hereby retracted.

 This is a good song for daughters, or people with daughters.

500. "Little Fluffy Clouds" The Orb

"Little Fluffy Clouds"
The Orb
The Orb's Adventures Beyond The Ultraworld
1991

So apparently this pissed Rickie Lee Jones off something fierce. Rickie Lee Jones was a singer or maybe the girl who replaced Suzanne Sommers on "Three's Company". Anyway, this is her therapy session set to "music" by a techno guy named "The Orb". Good thing he was good at making techno songs, it would have been hard for him to sell insurance with a name like The Orb.
I wouldn't trust a dude named The Orb to insure I had the proper coverage on my townhome.
Only need coverage from the studs in, The Orb. Don't need that whole homeowner's policy.
This is a song for people who did drugs in college.