Timmy's 500 Favorite Songs: 443. "I Remember California" R.E.M.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

443. "I Remember California" R.E.M.

"I Remember California"
R.E.M.
Green
1988

As I never fail to remind people without the slightest of provocation, I lived in California for about ten years. So, Michael Stipe, I also remember California. And I have noted some discrepancies in your song.
1. "I remember traffic jams."
Well, this is pretty right on. I also remember traffic jams. But other places also suffer from traffic congestion! Seems unfair to single out the Golden State. VERDICT: True, but the inclusion reveals an anti-California bias.
2. "Motor boys and girls with tans."
Hmm, true, the female population DOES tend to have a healthy glow. Even the Irish girls. But who are these "motor boys"? Robots? I never saw any robots. VERDICT: Half truth, at best. At best I say!
3. "Nearly was and almost rans."
Now you are just being snotty, Michael Stipe. I knew plenty of successful people in L.A. My friends lived in a duplex above where the guy from "Felicity" used to live. I worked with a guy who got a job on one of those syndicated sci-fi series, and his character was large enough that they drew him to the comic book. The comic book, Mr. Stipe. Myself, one time on the bus I almost sat in gum but I saw the gum before I sat down and so therefore moved to another seat on the bus, successfully avoiding the gum. VERDICT: Slander of the highest order!
4. "I remember redwood trees."
What? Red trees? Yeah right. Pure fiction. VERDICT: Sorry, still laughing about the idea of red trees. Red trees! Can you imagine?
5. "Bumper cars and Wolverines."
I don't know about bumper cars, as I tend to avoid things like bumper cars and cockfights. But Wolverines? Ha ha, my case is closed, Michael Stipe! First, there is only one Wolverine, though his friends call him Logan. And Wolverine does NOT live in California, but at The Xavier Institute in Westchester, NY. VERDICT: Wolverine may be able to repair himself with the greatest of ease, but R.E.M.'s credibility will never be repaired. Red trees, indeed!